Hello, my fellow queer people and strangers on the internet!
How are you? How has 2022 been treating you so far?
It has been quite relaxed and stress free for me. I am doing my best to stick to my theme for this year which is to go with the flow and take life as it comes. Now, mind you, I am a control freak so sometimes, it takes me some good hours of journaling for to ease my mind into it. Accepting that things are beyond my control and doing what I can with I have is also my current mantra. Reminding myself of this simple thing from time to time prevents me from over planning or obsessing about things. Obsessing over something never did anyone, any good. Remind yourself to take a breath.
As I am writing this, I am seeing my own growth. A few months ago I would never have been able to relax. I have been in a constant state of stress ever since the pandemic has started. Actually, I have been in a state of stress my whole life but that’s for other blog posts. The pandemic simply added a totally unnecessary layer to that stress. Stress is an oversimplification of what all I feel and go through – I do not want to get into all of that right now.
I have been sticking to some of my goals and I am quite proud of myself. I have read three books already and right now I am reading the current January Pick for My Queer Book Club. If you have not read my previous blog post, well the book of the month is Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters. Reading has been keeping the dark thoughts, the spiral that leads to an anxiety and/or panic attacks at bay. One read a day keeps the dark thoughts at bay? haha I wish it were always that simple.
On the physical fitness aspect, I only did a couple of workouts so not doing really well on that front. I do not want to pressure myself and make it a disgusting experience. Usually, I tell myself I have to work out so I do not accumulate fatty deposits in my arteries or so I do not age quickly or so I am not sick when I am older. So the motivation is not really a positive one and the whole vibe going into it is quite negative. I have some brain rewiring to do so I can work out with a healthier mindset.
A recent addition to my mental well being journey has been listening to Esther Perel. There are monthly videos posted on her YouTube channel under the playlist ‘Letters From Esther’. They help so much! It is also free therapy people! I am learning so much about how to navigate conversations and how to have better relationships by using better communications. It is sad how us, human beings, do not use language to our advantage as a species. It is never too late to learn folks.
In 2022, I wish to treat myself more. For years and years, I lived on auto-pilot. I put the needs of shitty people above my own or simply denied small pleasures to myself at the thought of bothering other people. I think a lot of us care too much about what people have to say. That too requires a lot of mental work to let go of and it has not been easy for me. So this year, I am treating myself to things I want for myself. I will be documenting everything on my blog because I want to relate to people like me out there and feel less lonely.
I am well aware that I have not given a lot of context on my mental health, about my sexual orientation and life story. I am scared to be honest, to put it all out there. Living in the closet (not out of choice – I tried coming out but I was shoved back in by my mum) is not easy and I am sick of being alone and lonely on my journey. I will be writing bits and pieces in different blog posts. For today, that’s all!
How has January been like for you so far? Comment below.